Because of Uncov, there have been a few butthurt responses to Persai. People want to tear us apart because we spent so much time tearing Web 2.0 down. That's fine, I applaud the effort, but if you are going to write a takedown, do it right. Halfassing it is just an embarrassment to the both of us.
With that in mind, I think a first hand demonstration in writing a proper takedown would help bloggers.
1. Have a Hook
You, the blogger, are supposed to entertain me, the reader. Invoke a visceral reaction to get my attention. A funny title or good image macro will do. One of my favorite (and also most time-consuming) parts about Uncov was finding or making all of the image macros. Selecting an image for a post was the first step; the rest of the post would just follow from the image.
I mean look at that thing. That dog failed hard. That's some funny shit. Doesn't it make you want to read this post?
2. Remind Me Again, Why Am I Reading This?
Okay, you've hooked me in with a good image macro. Now don't lose me. Whether or not I come back to your blog depends now on your writing style. You're a brilliant programmer, which probably means you suck ass at writing. You know how you encourage that guy whose only programming skill comes from a cursory examination of a "PHP in 24 Hours" book, as long as he isn't working on your project? Yeah, well, writers feel the same way about you. Don't take it personally, you can't be good at everything. I, on the other hand, can.
Define your own style. It's OK to be influenced by others, but don't supplant. These writers are your teachers. For me, they were Maddox, Tucker Max, and a few lesser knowns. The most important thing is that you have a style. This style has to keep me interested.
3. Go Over the Top
Be mean. Be meaner than you ever thought you could be. After all, it's the internet. Nobody really takes you seriously.
Your goal is a takedown, not a gentle harangue. Instead of "I'm not sure this product will get any traction", say "the founders of this company should consider suicide". Pussyfooting around like that will make your takedown lame.
4. Get Your Facts Right
I have been burned by this before. For the most part, your readers don't give a shit because you're entertaining them, but it's personally embarrassing to screw this up. I got a lot of my facts wrong in a takedown of Middio (which, by the way, is now dead, thank you very much). I was ashamed of this, but then I remembered how awesome I was for making fun of a kid who was in high school.
5. Linkbait
Last but not least, you should linkbait your target. Yeah, you want them to read your takedown, but more importantly, you want them to whine in the comments. Why? Because the target's whining is at least if not more entertaining than your article.
Protip: if you are the subject of a takedown, the worst thing you can do is try to defend yourself in the comments. It makes you look like you care what some shithead blogger has to say about you. If you do care that much about the critics, maybe starting a company isn't for you.
tl;dr
If you're going to write a takedown, do it right. Make it funny. Don't suck at writing. Most importantly, though: don't take yourself too seriously, because your readers don't, either.
2. Remind Me Again, Why Am I Reading This?
Okay, you've hooked me in with a good image macro. Now don't lose me. Whether or not I come back to your blog depends now on your writing style. You're a brilliant programmer, which probably means you suck ass at writing. You know how you encourage that guy whose only programming skill comes from a cursory examination of a "PHP in 24 Hours" book, as long as he isn't working on your project? Yeah, well, writers feel the same way about you. Don't take it personally, you can't be good at everything. I, on the other hand, can.
Define your own style. It's OK to be influenced by others, but don't supplant. These writers are your teachers. For me, they were Maddox, Tucker Max, and a few lesser knowns. The most important thing is that you have a style. This style has to keep me interested.
3. Go Over the Top
Be mean. Be meaner than you ever thought you could be. After all, it's the internet. Nobody really takes you seriously.
Your goal is a takedown, not a gentle harangue. Instead of "I'm not sure this product will get any traction", say "the founders of this company should consider suicide". Pussyfooting around like that will make your takedown lame.
4. Get Your Facts Right
I have been burned by this before. For the most part, your readers don't give a shit because you're entertaining them, but it's personally embarrassing to screw this up. I got a lot of my facts wrong in a takedown of Middio (which, by the way, is now dead, thank you very much). I was ashamed of this, but then I remembered how awesome I was for making fun of a kid who was in high school.
5. Linkbait
Last but not least, you should linkbait your target. Yeah, you want them to read your takedown, but more importantly, you want them to whine in the comments. Why? Because the target's whining is at least if not more entertaining than your article.
Protip: if you are the subject of a takedown, the worst thing you can do is try to defend yourself in the comments. It makes you look like you care what some shithead blogger has to say about you. If you do care that much about the critics, maybe starting a company isn't for you.
tl;dr
If you're going to write a takedown, do it right. Make it funny. Don't suck at writing. Most importantly, though: don't take yourself too seriously, because your readers don't, either.
Leave a comment